I’m never drinking again….maybe.

Alcohol is the devil. It sucks us in with the promise of getting drunk and having a crazy night, only to leave us dying a slow death the following day. The very first thing you say when you wake up is “I’m never drinking again”. Millions of people around the world say this 99% every Saturday or Sunday, or even both for the hard-core. For me just the one night is enough, once every 4 months. Yeah that sounds about right. I’ve been there and done it with alcohol. It’s always been a love-hate relationship. I feel like I have reached the point in my life now where being drunk isn’t that fun anymore (mainly because I’m just as much of a hoot sober). 10 years ago it was a different story. I would drink my way through a crate of Fosters like it was water. I got so wasted sometimes that I uncontrollably pissed over a mate’s bedroom floor, and even my own bed. That’s bad isn’t it? Being so drunk I couldn’t even control my own bladder. It’s embarrassing but hilarious at the same time. Friends have told me countless things that I have done when drunk. The most memorable being when I wandered off in to a horse field, somehow managing to climb a fence with ease, all because I wanted to ‘stroke the horses’.

I look back and laugh, and also cringe at some of the nights I have had. It’s crazy when I think just how much alcohol I consumed back then. Dangerous levels sometimes. These were the days when I was 16 – 17, not old enough to drink in a pub. So it was fields in the ass end of nowhere, with plenty of crates of beer and music blaring out of someone’s phone. Some really good nights, some really bad ones. Luckily I eventually turned 18, and was able to at least be more civilised with drinking alcohol. Being able to get shit faced in a pub, as opposed to a field. Problem is you start to spend a lot more money. I was getting paid weekly at the time and the money was near enough gone come Sunday. I was going out Friday and Saturday and spending Sunday in bed hanging. Then I would do it all again the following weekend. I was doing this for a long time. I don’t want to know how much I have spent on alcohol, and kebabs, in total. It would be sickening. But that’s life and it’s what we all do. The reason why I’m talking about alcohol is because I went out drinking last Friday night with some work colleagues. The last two times have resulted in like the worst hangovers of my life. So this time I was adamant that I was not going to have a hangover the next day. Well that didn’t go to plan. Because today I woke up with a hangover. Luckily it wasn’t the black death of hangovers, and just a little one. I drink shit loads of water now before I go to bed. I have no idea if it works but it makes me piss like an exploding fire hydrant the following morning.

Oh that reminds me I’ve got a funny story to tell. So last Friday was the Euro millions lottery. The jackpot was something like £71 million. Stupid money. But stupid money I wanted to get my hands on. I bought two tickets online, under the rule ‘you got to buy a ticket to win the raffle’ and then forgot about it. I got in around 2am, pretty drunk, trying not to wake my girlfriend up. For some reason I checked my emails, and saw one from Lotto which read ‘We have some news about your ticket, please log in etc for more info, congratulations’. I was like holy shit, I could be rich! Excitedly I click on the link to log in, only for the website to say ‘Server maintenance, users cannot log in between 2am – 5am’. I was like WTF, of all the times for a website to be down, this is the worst time ever! You see with Lotto online, they don’t email you your ticket. So I had no idea what my numbers were, otherwise I would have checked with a google search. I was literally left in a limbo. I didn’t want to sleep but I had to because the room was spinning. I woke up Saturday and my head is pounding. I remembered the whole ticket thing and grabbed my phone to check. My heart was racing as I logged in to the account, but then it was shattered in to a million pieces when I saw the notification, ‘Congratulations, you have won £3 on the Euro millions’. £3. 3 fucking pounds! I didn’t even know you could win that low of an amount. But no, one of the tickets matched two numbers so yeah, great, I’m a whole £3 richer, thanks lottery! Barely enough for a pint….

I will catch you guys next week!


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