The nightmare that is Xmas Shopping

So I have nearly done ALL my Christmas shopping. Thank god! I don’t mind shopping, it’s Christmas shopping I hate. It’s just the biggest headache ever. Figuring out what to buy people, how much to spend, will they like it? What if they already have it? There is just so much to think about. It’s so stressful. Although this year I seem to be doing okay. I’ve got a few more things to get but they will be easy. I don’t think I have ever been this organised with Christmas. I always leave Christmas shopping til the last minute. I don’t know why. Is it a guy thing? I blame it on that sometimes, but I know it’s not always true, because some of my male friends are organised. So I’m running out of excuses. I know it’s not just me though. I remember once going in to a card shop, the day before Mother’s Day. The place was full to the rafters of men. I don’t think I saw one female in there. I mean I thought men were bad, but not that bad. Girls just have it so easy when it comes to being organised. You know sometimes I feel like a character in a game. Level 26, good life experience, can use most garden tools. But I’m missing that all important ‘organised` skill. I’m trying hard to get there. Putting in the hours but it’s not happening. That level 27 seems so far away.

I know one thing for certain though. I’m never going Christmas shopping with my girlfriend again. The whole thing is borderline torture. I wouldn’t even wish it on my worst enemy (not that I have any, I think). You see shopping on my own is great. I know what it is I am after. I can go in, buy it, and be out the shop in 5 minutes. Easy. Some shops I might take a little longer, but that’s only because I’m looking to buy something for myself. You have to sometimes. A little treat every now and then. But when you’re with the girlfriend, it’s a completely different story. I just feel like a spare bit. There to hold the bags, and get in the way of everyone else. When she goes in to a girls shop, the first I thing I do is hunt for the men’s section. That’s the easiest way out for a man inside these shops. If they have one, you’re sorted. You know full well you’re not going to buy anything. But you’re going to look like you could be buying something. That’s what makes all the difference. No one around you will suspect a thing. They will just see a guy browsing for some new jeans, or a nice shirt. What they won’t see is a guy avoiding having to follow his girlfriend around the store like a lost puppy. It’s fool proof.

The problem comes when there is no men’s section. This is the time to panic. Because your options of escape have now decreased by half. But fear not, there are some things you can do to still get out. One of the easiest is to say that you need to go the toilet. She won’t argue with that. It doesn’t stop her from looking round the shop. So you say you’ll go and then come back and find her. Your intention is to try stay away as long as possible, without drawing any attention. If she rings you, then you have been too long. It’s about finding that balance. The ideal timing would be to come back and find her at the till. There is a downside to this though. You wouldn’t be able to do this in every shop. Your partner would to start to suspect something. Or suggest you see a doctor because of your pathetic weak bladder. Either way, it’s bad, and it’s the last thing you want. The toilet one is a one-time move, two at best. It depends on how many shops you need to go in. So your best bet would be to do it in a huge shop, to get the most out of it. There are a few other tips. There is the fake phone call, the ‘just gonna get some fresh air`. I just realised these sound like more reasons to get out of a blind date than to leave a shop. Who knew they would have so many uses!

In all seriousness, shopping with your girlfriend is not that bad. At least, that’s what I tell myself…

Catch you guys next week!


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