Batman v Superman v Better Superhero films

Seeing as everyone is talking about (or more like hating on) Batman v Superman at the moment. I thought I’d share my thoughts on the film. There may be some spoilers ahead so be careful. I’m sorry to say but I’m a hater. Well no I tell a lie. I didn’t hate it. But I didn’t like it either. It’s just okay. It’s basically vanilla. There’s no flavour anywhere. No splash of colour. It’s dark, very moody and at most times pretty dull. The reviews and critics aren’t lying with this one. They’re mostly all of the same opinion that it’s definitely under-whelmed in quite dramatic fashion. On Rotten Tomatoes it’s currently holding a score of 29%. That’s bad. But it is fairing a lot better on IMDB with an average of 7.3 out of 10. I’d say out of 10 I’d go with a 5. I don’t think that’s harsh. There is some good stuff. Sometimes very good. But there is just too much not good that spoils it. For one the title is very misleading. It’s not Batman v Superman at all. Unless 10 minutes fighting out of a 2 and half hours runtime justifies that then yeah okay. Before that is a talkathon. The almost flash like speed reveal (see what I did there?) of the eventual Justice League members. Literally blink and you’ll miss it. A very OTT Jesse Eisenberg as baddie Lex Luthor and an ending that was a complete annihilation of the word CGI. It was fun seeing Wonder Woman but boy did they make big deal out of her. On 3 separate occasions they gave her a slow-mo dramatic scene where she looks all intense and raged. Then again she is like in her 100s.

But there is some backstory as to why I think I didn’t like it. I wasn’t overly excited about this film from the get go. Yeah when it was announced the world went crazy. I did myself for a brief moment. But then shortly realised that Batman was going to be rebooted AGAIN. I’m starting to hate the word reboot. It stings every time I hear it. And this came too soon after the amazing Christopher Nolan Batman Trilogy. They couldn’t just let Christian Bale’s Batman be happy and let him do his batman stuff in peace. They had to go find another actor and tell his story yet again about how his parents were murdered and that now he’s a rich boy orphan turned bat vigilante. Blah Blah blah. I think we get it. Then there was further backlash when Ben Affleck was cast as Batman. I actually thought it was good choice. Ben is a great actor and an even better director. Obviously the outrage was because he was in that Daredevil film. And it was turd. And these fans are of the opinion that now he’s Batman it’s just automatically going to be turd too. Jeez how do these people sleep at night? They must worry so much about castings for upcoming films that they forget to have a life. I’m sorry but I just don’t get it. Yes the Daredevil film was shit. BUT was it Ben’s fault? Absolutely not. It was the script. The director. Ben is just being told what to do and say. But there will always be people who will hate casting choices. There’s like a kajillion amount of people on this earth. Just by law of averages alone people will either love/hate something. Like marmite. Eurgh marmite.

Another reason why I wasn’t very excited for Batman v Superman was Zack Snyder. I’m just not a huge fan of his. I come to terms with this after watching Man of Steel and I’ll touch on that in a minute. But looking back through his films the only that stands out is 300. Which was awesomely awesome. But Watchmen? BORING. I know a lot of people would think I’m mental for thinking this but I’m sorry it’s true. After that was Suckerpunch. Four hot girls kicking CGI butt with guns and swords? Hell to the yes! It should have been amazing. But it wasn’t. It was just meh. I do need to re-watch it though. I haven’t seen that film in years. Then after Suckerpunch Zack wanted to tackle Superhero’s. In the form of Superman. Or Man of Steel. I prefer to call him the The Super-dull-as-f**k man. Again sue me. But somehow Zack managed to do the impossible with Superman. And that was make him even more boring than he already was. Quite a mean feat if you ask me so he does deserve some credit. By the way if that wasn’t clear enough I’m basically saying I hate Superman. Actually no hate is a strong word. I need something stronger. Okay how about this. I f**king hate Superman so much oh my god. That’s better. Had to let it all out for a second there sorry. Anyway Man of Steel was rubbish. It done absolutely nothing for me in terms of making Superman fun. I’d rather watch a documentary about a guy called Dave who likes to wash his cars with mud.

I guess from the looks of it Batman v Superman never stood a chance. At least with me anyway. Just look at the reasons why with these handy bullet points:

  • Batman rebooted again
  • Zack Snyder
  • Superman is boring
  • No Christian Bale or Michael Caine

By the way just typing Michael Caine gave me an image of him telling Batman to “not blow the bloody doors off the Batmobile Master Wayne”. Random I know but I’m cracking up. Oh I do make myself laugh. Why was that never a scene in the Nolan films? That would have been hilarious!

So there you have it. I’ve now lost zero interest in anything DC going forward, especially as Snyder is directing BOTH Justice League films. Really? Why couldn’t he just direct one? Or actually just give the whole thing to Joss Whedon. I think he knows a thing or two about superhero’s teaming up..

Catch you next week!

 

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