Okay, so who decided to turn the sun on full heat mode this week? I’m talking about the super ridiculous heatwave that has crippled the UK since Monday. It’s been unbearable. I never knew how much I hated the sun until now. I never liked the sun much to begin with because it’s never liked me. Pale problems you see. I’m as white as white can be. Some would say opaque. And I’m red headed. So its a double whammy. I only have to look at the sun to get 3rd degree burns. That’s not even an exaggeration. Okay, maybe a little bit.
Whenever I’ve been somewhere the slightest bit warm, I somehow managed to get burnt. It happens all the time. I think I need to permanently where sun lotion. It’s the only way I can avoid it. I don’t get what people love about the sun. The only benefit I can see is that days look lovely when theres a blue sky and no clouds. That’s it. The sun is the devil for everything else. It makes you really sweaty and agitated. It makes you feel uncomfortable no matter where you are. You cannot get any sleep during the night because it’s just too bloody warm. It makes me want to rip off my skin for that extra layer of relief. If only that was possible…
You see what I mean? Everyone says that the sun is good for you and everyone needs it, but how? All I can see are negatives. Sunstroke, heatstroke, prickly heat and burns. How is any of that good for us? I know we should take proper precautions with the lotions but even that isn’t enough. I was in Portugal last September and it was fairly warm. I’d say the hottest day was around 25 degrees…ish. Every day I would lotion up all the major spots on my body, as you do. Yet I would still somehow get burnt. I must be cursed. And it wasn’t just burnt either. I also got prickly heat on the back of my legs. Which is actually even worse than a burn. Because it constantly stings. It’s like a permanent stinging nettles sting that’s also on fire. And this lasts all day. It was beyond painful. The problem is that you can’t actually prevent it. It’s something that you can just get anytime. Which is really unfair if you ask me. It’s bad enough I’m already handicapped by being ghostly pale and ginger. And now I can get this prickly heat thing whenever and wherever. I’m telling you guys the sun is pure evil.
Anyway yeah this week has been horrendous. For those of you that work in an office, you will know my pain. It can already be bad enough when your in a small office with loads of people and all the lights and PCs running. What doesn’t help is when it’s 33 degrees outside and there is no air circulation at all. There is nothing worse than sitting a desk with sweat pouring out all over the place. I just can’t think about work when all I want to do is jump in the supermarket fridges and shower myself in ice cubes. And no, thinking cold thoughts does not work. FU Google.
Speaking of Google. Well more Facebook actually. I came across this post yesterday “11 ways to keep cool at night”. Thought it was worth a read considering the circumstances. But it wasn’t long before I was laughing my ass off and wishing I hadn’t bothered. Point number 1 on this list was to “put your duvet in the fridge an hour before bed”. Seriously? Who the hell has a fridge big enough for a duvet? I’m sorry but I don’t have a walk in fridge freezer in my kitchen! I couldn’t believe it. Some of the others made a lot little sense but nothing I didn’t know already. Other than move to the Antarctic and sleep in a igloo we’re all pretty much stuffed during these warm nights. Any one up for a rain dance?
That’s all from me guys. Sorry it’s short. I’m writing this on my phone as the laptop is still busted. I’m hoping to get it sorted soon.
Catch you all next week!
If you want you can follow me and my social media existence on twitter @surrealkevbo