Forget the Rumble…

“Remember the Rumble”

This is what WWE has been shoving done our throats for the last month or so. At first it didn’t really make sense. Were they talking about past Rumble events? Or were they hinting that this years Rumble could be the best yet? Where in many years to come, we would be saying…” Hey, remember the rumble when Kurt Angle came out at number 30?” Or Finn Balor, against all odds, came back super early from his injury to win the whole damn thing? The tagline certainly added even more hype to a show that never needs build up. It’s one of the big four PPV’s and normally the most interesting. Will there be debuts from NXT? Will there be surprise entrants? No one knows. And that’s the beauty of the Rumble. But it has had a lot more downs than ups over recent years. 2015 was a complete shit show because it was so obvious Reigns was going to win. 2016 was only good because the Phenomenal AJ Styles made his WWE debut, other than that it was poor. Although Triple H chucking Reigns over the ropes was amazing.

Sadly, none of what I said earlier happened. Kurt Angle was not in the rumble and Finn Balor did not return from injury. On balance the Angle thing was a whole lot more likely. But Finn has been busy with the UK tournament and stuff so it was like maybe he’s good to go, and they were lying about his return date. Who knows. Again, that’s the mystique of the Rumble, until last night however. There was no mystique. We already knew something like 24 wrestlers who had been announced for the rumble. So, that only left a handful of spots for potential surprises. They really need to stop telling us who is in the rumble. It just takes the fun out of it. You know they are going to show up, it’s just a matter of what number. It was apparent last night, when it got to like number 24 and none of the part timers had come out yet (Brock, Goldberg and Undertaker) So we knew they would be soon in. But that wasn’t even the worst thing about it. The booking was all over the place. They literally gave the 3 wrestlers above the easiest night ever. They were probably in the ring for about 10 minutes in total. Totally pointless. They were supposed to add a bit of wow factor but instead it just ruined it. To the point where I wished they had used more NXT guys. You don’t need part timers in the rumble. Or, if you really do need them, don’t bloody tell us! Imagine the pop that all 3 of them would have got if we didn’t know they were in it? They would have torn the roof off!

I understand why they announced them. To generate buzz and ticket sales and what nots. But still, hold some stuff back. They could have just announced Goldberg and left Brock and Undertaker as a surprise. But, and to quote The New Day, “OHHH NOOOOOOO”. They just had to tell the world that 3 part timers were in the rumble. And I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that I lost zero interest in all of them. I honestly couldn’t care less if they didn’t show up again. Taker is just too fucking old now. He can’t go liked he used to. He should have retired a long time ago. Hell, even after he lost to Brock at Mania. Because they always say you go out on your back. He should have walked away then. Mostly because the streak ending was a mania must see, and we never thought we would see it. We never realised how important it was to Mania him defending that streak. Yeah it was super shocking when it happened, but then bam there goes your Mania attraction. He should have given Brock the rub (one that really should have gone to someone more deserving in my opinion) and disappear in to the shadows of the valley of death, or wherever it is he came from. Also, they had the chance to give us the ultimate dream match, Taker v Sting and they didn’t. So, yeah, screw you Vince.

Goldberg hasn’t really done it for me either. Since he’s been back he’s wrestled for a total of like 5 minutes. And in that time, he beat Brock Lesnar at Survivor Series and eliminated him from the Rumble last night. Again, he’s too old. He won’t be able to do a full-time schedule even if he somehow found the Fountain of Youth. Which leads me on to Brock, who isn’t too old, but now who is so damaged by the easy wins from Goldberg that he is no longer an attraction. Why give the beast the streak and then have him be destroyed by a 46yr old with two spears and a brainbuster? It doesn’t make sense!

And the crowning glory, the ultimate cherry on the cake. When all the WWE’s universe hopes and dreams wished for a major surprise at number 30, along comes Roman Reigns. Eurgh. Even just typing his name is boring. Someone give me a beer, or ten. I mean really? Roman bloody reigns at 30? I’m dreaming, aren’t I? Please tell me that didn’t happen. Me and my friends were just lost for words. Quite frankly I still am. I’ll never get over that one. The only little saving grace was that he didn’t win. That, rather annoyingly, went to Randy Orton. Snore! I’m done talking about the rumble.

Right before I go try and forget last night’s rumble match, hopefully for the rest of my life. There were some amazing highlights before it. Kevin Owens retaining the Universal Championship was a welcome surprise, especially at the expense of Reigns. Because anything that doesn’t involve him winning is automatically a win. And then there was Cena / Styles having their own Okada / Omega-esque match. And what a match it was. Probably the best we’ve seen in a long time in a WWE ring. And I’m not even sad at Cena winning. Which is something I never thought I would say.

So yeah it turns out that “Remember the Rumble” will be used in many years to come…”Hey remember the rumble when Roman Reigns was number 30?”

Shoot. Me. Now.




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