Underworld: Blood Wars (2017)

I’m going to be completely honest here and say that this review is going to be pretty awful. And that’s because I watched Underworld: Blood Wars on the 19th January and it feels like a lifetime ago. I have no idea what happened. To the point I’m wondering if I actually watched it in the first place. No I definitely did, because after all it is Kate Beckinsale looking super sexy in a black PVC outfit (sexual fantasy now totally out in the open) and that is something I don’t normally forget. But that is pretty much it. Which I guess that kinda adds to this review as a whole, because when a film is that forgettable it is definitely not a good sign. And for those that think it might just be that my memory sucks, I can assure you that it doesn’t. Wait, what was I talking about again?

So in effect I will be cheating here and using a mixture of Wikipedia and IMDB just to remind myself of the plot. Sorry “plot”. It’s vampires vs. Lycan’s for like the millionth time. Not really a plot. More like a straight up brawl between the two. And don’t get me wrong. I’m all for more Vampire on Lycan action. But there needs to be a story. We’re now in the 5th film in the franchise and this is the first sequel where it feels like it was just made for the sake it. And this is a real shame because up until this point I have enjoyed every single Underworld film. This one seems like it came out of nowhere. It’s no shock that critically the franchise has been torn apart. But commercially there was an appeal. Otherwise they wouldn’t have made 4 sequels. They were obviously doing something right. And as sad as it is that sequels mostly get made to make more money. I really felt that there was loads more story to be had after the first Underworld back in 2003. And a side note, Kate Beckinsale hasn’t aged in those 13 years. If anything she even looks better. She still manages to wriggle in to that spray on black onesie, so she definitely likes to keep herself in shape.

I’m not going to bother going in to a lot of detail here. I’m feeling super lazy so you’ll just have to put up with me. Blood Wars is by far the weakest film in the Underworld Franchise. Because of that I believe we have (very sadly) seen the last of Kate Beckinsale’s Selene. I mean I guess they could do a spin off with a certain character. As it’s no lie that Hollywood loves a spin off. But I don’t think they will bother because quite frankly, who cares? But then now more than ever it seems that Hollywood only care about sequels and prequels and all other number-quels’. Oh and superhero movies. I do love a superhero film but I’ll be lying if I wasn’t getting a little bored of them. Just a tiny little bit. I can hear the groans from you all now like “WHAT! HOW CAN YOU BE BORED OF SUPERHERO MOVIES!”  Well you can get bored when the formula of these films gets so, well, formalic (thank you) I honestly can’t wait for shit to get real and for Thanos to kick some ass because the MCU needs it so badly. It’s all too goody too shoes and predictable baddies and endings. You just KNOW the good guy will take a knock, lose confidence blah blah and then comeback and win. It’s why I praise Civil War because the bad guy was really down to whose side was you on. It was refreshing to see and was nice to see the MCU actually go quite deep in terms of character development.

But for me I love films that are completely original and not based any form of comic, book, TV show, advert etc. However it seems like Hollywood doesn’t see them as money makers and therefore genuinely good scripts may just be sitting on the shelves of writers houses gathering dust. And that is very sad. Imagine living in a world where Drive didn’t exist or Whiplash or Birdman etc.

Anyway back to Blood Wars and yeah you can kinda get the idea that it’s just meh. I mean it probably won’t be for you. Everyone is different after all. There is one super cool scene though, which is set up for the audience early on, in where Selene evolves like a Pokémon to an even hotter version, complete with white/greyish hair, amazing fur coat and new kick-ass moves. It’s the highlight of the film and I’d say one of the main reasons to watch it. Hell I’d watch it again just for that bit. But I still think the fourth film, Awakening, is the best in the series. It was hella gory, had great action and the plot was actually quite good. If only all films could be like that!


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